Sometimes we go through life doing all the things we think we should do like go to college, get a job, marry, and have children. Then we wake up one day and say, “Wow, what am I doing? Who am I? I’m feeling weird.” It’s one of the many life transitions that occur when a new developmental need appears seemingly out of the blue. This event sends many marriages into turmoil and evaluation. Even more surprising is when one marital partner finds him/herself in love with another person. Many times the love interest is a reflection of something in the marriage needing attention. When the couple addresses the issue, many marriages heal after affairs and continue with a long lasting healthy relationship.
When the affair is with a person of the same gender, it comes as a shock—a different kind of shock than other affairs. It can be a shock to both partners. Throw in the common bias that gays are abnormal and not in religious alignment, whew. The whole family is thrown a kilter.
This is more common than many might imagine: women falling in love with other women; men falling in love with other men. What’s it all about? Is the world we know falling apart?
Changing developmental needs happen to couples all the time and do require reassessment of the relationship. If the need can’t be fulfilled in the context of the marriage, some decide to leave. It wreaks havoc on the family and those close to the family. When one or the other falls for a person of the same sex, several things may happen. Some couples agree to stay together and work on their relationship; some decide to tolerate the same sex interest; some choose to divorce.
Whatever is chosen, more information is needed in order to have understanding rather than fear and judgment of people going through this. If you’d like an opportunity to talk about it, contact me through the websites below.
http://www.pamelasimmonscounseling.com/
http://www.happyspiritcoaching.com/
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